Today keeping silent was much easier. I must explain that in general keeping silent during a retreat is not so terribly difficult for me. I had no issues on my last retreat. However, the nature of this retreat is different. I am receiving a lot of information and asking myself a lot of questions. After yesterday’s session, I felt like a pimple that was about to pop. I had all this stuff inside that needed to come out. Talking is one way that helps me to sort out information, but I am in a quiet place where people are being quiet. Under normal circumstances, I would find a private area and talk to myself, but I can hear all that goes on here and if I can hear what’s going on, everyone else must hear it as well. It’s that quiet! I can’t talk inside the building and if I could, I don’t want others to hear the private conversations between me and myself.
Imagine someone gave you a a gallon of water to drink and you drank all of it because you were so thirsty. You are now in a small room full of people you don’t know and all of a sudden, that gallon of water catches up with you. Now your bladder is brewing up a perfect storm, and you are doing your best not to think of waterfalls and babbling brooks. Oh but wait! I forgot to tell you! There aren’t any bathrooms in the vicinity of the area. Now you are about to burst, and you don’t know where to go, literally. All you know is you have to get to a bathroom fast or things will get messy, or shall I say wet? That should kind of paint a picture for you of what I was experiencing during the past couple days. I needed to get stuff out of my system and I must say that writing in this blog has been very helpful and therapeutic for me.
Well, today I am beginning to get some relief and clarity with regard to my dreams and what they are telling me. I had several dreams last night in which I experienced many things: telling a family to stop gambling, building a bridge using telekinetic powers, spilling someone’s cremains and repeatedly turning the hands of time to undo what was done, trying explain to a scientist my logical reason behind the type of bird cage I have, and explaining to a woman that the piano music I gave her was printed differently not incorrectly.
Remember that question I was supposed to asked God yesterday? I was to ask Him what types of qualities are needed for me to lead a full adult life. After reviewing the important themes in my dreams, Br. Don and I agreed on the following things:
1. I must accept myself and what cannot be changed in my life. This includes all past events. What’s done is done and all I can do is learn from the past and avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future. The is revealed in the dream I had in which I accidentally spilled someone’s cremains and tried to erase that event by repeatedly going back in time to prevent it from happening in the first place.
2. I must continue to take responsibility of my actions. This is self-explanatory, but being responsible does not mean that you should not take any risks at all in life. It is important to know where to draw the line when it comes to these things. This was revealed in the dream in which I was trying to stop a family from gambling and losing all their money.
3. I must view my life experiences as different, not as being wrong. In the dream involving the piano music, I had two collections of piano music written for one piano four hands. The piano literature in both books was the same, however, the manner in which the two piano parts were presented on the pages was different. After looking at both books, the woman told me that one of them was right and the other was wrong. She accepted the one that was “right” and handed the “wrong” book back to me. I told her that the music that she believed to be right is the most common way that music for piano four hands is printed, but it can also be printed as shown in the other book. “It’s not wrong,” I told her, “It’s just different.” And so I must learn to look at my own life experiences this way as well. Though I don’t have the same life experiences as most individuals near my age do, that does not mean I have been living my life the wrong way.
4. I must trust my own knowledge and experiences. This was illustrated in the piano music dream as well. I explained to the woman the reason why both piano books were printed correctly. Because of my my 20 years of musical study and over 10 years working in the music field, I knew what I was talking about. This statement was also illustrated in the dream in which I was trying to explain to a scientist my logical reason behind the type of bird cage I have. I demonstrate my knowledge on keeping birds as pets based on my own personal experience living with them for 11 years.
These dream revelations also answer the answer to the question I asked on Monday Monday night: What is needed for my deeper healing. And now, some words from St Paul:
“Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may prove what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” – Romans 12:2
Br Don also had a very interesting interpretation for the dream I had about building a bridge using telekinetic powers He interpreted the bridge as a spiritual symbol because I did not build the bridge by using my hands. I willed the bridge to be built. It is a bridge to God and the way that I create a bridge to God is through prayer and the sacraments.
As a Catholic, It took me a long time to understand, recognize and appreciate the importance of the sacraments and the role they play in leading an individual to holiness. Sacraments are outward signs instituted by Christ to give sanctifying grace. Let’s put it this way, if you really want to get connected with God, the way a power chord gets access to an electrical outlet, the sacraments are a good way to do that. Like a power chord that receives electricity from an electrical outlet, we receive sanctifying grace from God. Sanctifying grace is a is a life-giving gift, a sharing in the kingdom of Heaven.
Well, that’s enough reflecting for now. Until tomorrow!!!